Modeling: More dangerous than...

Being a model is more dangerous than letting Stevie Wonder take you on a walking tour of The Grand Canyon. Seriously. Modeling is an extremely dangerous profession. I don't think there's a more dangerous profession out there...

If I were an insurance agent, I would not insure models for anything. Not life insurance, not personal liability insurance, and definitely not auto insurance. From my own personal experience models have car problems 50% of the time. 50%! That's a coin toss! I'd just ride my bike everywhere if I knew my chances of breakdown, accident, flat tire, etc. were 50%! They must spend a lot of money on auto repair, AAA, insurance (if anyone is willing to even insure them), GPS systems (though these usually don't work for models), hospital bills (personal injury), etc. And from what've heard, their cars get broken into all the time, and you know what the thieves steal? Clothes! It's always another model or a cross-dressing transvestite with good taste that's breaking into models' cars. Nothing else gets stolen. Just the clothes. What are the odds of that?!? Amazing!

Speaking of personal injury, models go to the hospital a LOT. Models sometimes get punched in the face (during fistfights of course), fall down stairs, they get kidney damage, break limbs, and lots of surgeries.

And this is on top of being sick all the time. I'd call them hypochondriacs but they tell me they really do get sick! They are 10x as likely to catch the flu, stomach bug, colds, have an adverse allergic reaction, etc. Of course none of these illnesses are alcohol-related. I mean, I've never heard about models getting drunk, getting hangovers, or even partying so they must be real home-bodies...

Oh, and if you're a relative of a model, you're shit-out-of-luck because you're probably going to die soon. Relatives of models are extremely prone to suddenly falling ill so models regularly visit their loved ones in the hospital. These people are typically next-of-kin (or boyfriends), so the closer you are to a model, the more likely you're about to eat shit. I suggest all friends and families of models to take out life insurance because it'll come in handy soon.

And if you're a boyfriend of a model, you're either going to die or you're going to jail. Models' boyfriends are 100x more likely to spend time behind bars than any other normal human being. If law enforcement could just tap the databases of modeling agencies, they'd probably find 90% of all the outstanding criminals they haven't caught. Unfortunately for the police, this is only known to those who work inside the fashion industry! So don't tell anybody!

How do I know all these things? I know them firsthand straight from the horse's mouth! The models tell me themselves so it must be true. I mean, they have no reason to lie to me right? :)