Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Tip of the Day: Don't be a Bonehead

This is a rant.

I posted an opportunity for retouching on Facebook today as a service to the community. Basically a headhunter called me up and asked me if I wanted to retouch for FOX Sports. I declined the offer but mentioned that I'd pass the opportunity along.

Verbatim, this is what my Facebook status update said,

"Came across a retouching opportunity for FOX Sports if anyone is interested. Pays $20+/hr.

Email me charles@lucima.com and I'll forward you the details! :)"

And suddenly I get 3 FB messages about the retouch job. One of them actually says, "Can you give me your email?"

No joke.

And you guys wonder why you aren't working. Half of you can't read. And those of you that can read, can't follow simple instructions.

So I'm going to take this wonderful opportunity to tell you how I screen my applicants.

First and foremost, I look at basic ability to follow instructions. If you can't follow instructions, you're not qualified for the job. How hard is it to follow the only instruction on that FB message? It wasn't like step 1: do this, step 2: do that. It was one simple task. ONE. O-N-E. #1. UNO. "Wun" for those of you that don't reed gud.

God fucking damnit.

And secondly. My email is right there. It's right after where I say the word "email". How the fuck do you miss that?

And even if heaven forbid I neglect to put my email in that message. Do I seem like I'd be the kind of person to hide my email. Is that the secret to my success, that I make it hard for my potential clients to reach me???

Question: How many seconds do you think it would take a 7-year-old to find my email? Answer: A lot less than it takes you to type your FB message and then wait for me to respond.

How do you even get up in the morning without someone telling you, "It's time to get up"? Does someone spoon-feed you your cereal in the morning? How did you even wind up on Facebook? You figured out Facebook and twitter and yet you can't find my email on the Internet?

That's one of my biggest pet peeves. And it's number two on my list behind following basic instructions. People aren't resourceful enough. And certainly not resourceful enough to be photographers in this competitive market. I overestimated the competition. There are obviously a lot of challenged photographers out there. Challenged in more ways than one.

Wow. Just when I thought it couldn't get worse.

I was kind enough to message back the people who messaged me on Facebook about the retouching job. I said, "Hi so-and-so, please email me. Thanks :)"

She writes back, "Sure, what email can I reach you at.. :) Thx !"

Kill me now. Please kill me now. I can't do this anymore.

So in addition to inability to follow instructions and then not being resourceful, we're not at my third point of screening. Basic ability to spell. And basic grammar.

Fuck. Should I remind this person that an ellipsis has three dots instead of two? Or that you don't end a sentence with a preposition? Or that there's no space between the last word and your exclamation mark? I can even overlook the spelling of "thanks".

Before you point out that I'm not supposed to begin sentences with "but" and "and" and that some of my sentences aren't complete with subject and predicate, may I remind you that I'm not the one submitting myself for review.

Plus I already said that this was a rant. That's my disclaimer that any of this reads correctly. But it will still read better than the bonehead messages I get on Facebook regarding this post.

But let me take a step back. Maybe I'm the bonehead. Maybe I'm expecting too much of my Facebook "friends". Perhaps I'm too hard on these guys. Maybe instead of criticizing them, I should instead give them all a medal for participating and say, "Let's not keep score. Everyone's a winner!"

Or maybe this is the exact reason why we're in the predicament. Unemployment in double digits and a long-ass recession that looks like double-dip in the making.

Or maybe I should go to the temple, burn some incense, pray, and be grateful for the fact that these people are my competition.

Okay rant over.


  1. Actually, grammarians generally seem to agree that ending a sentence with a preposition is fine. But I'm totally with you on missing the email bit. Shoddy, that, for sure.

  2. I have been dealing with freelancers for a small project at the moment and have come across exactly the same to the point where if I facepalm any more I will have palm shape embedded in my face forever. How these people survive day to day let alone work is beyond me.

    This is before we get to arranging shoots. For hair, makeup, model and stylist make it to the location on time with everything they need to do their work is often like spoonfeeding a group of children.

  3. Well, Charles, truth be told, Facebook isn't the kind of place where you would expect excellent grammar, punctuality or even resourcefulness. Generally speaking, it's a very informal place, using very informal vocabulary - and I use the term "vocabulary" loosely - and it's a laissez-faire-WTF-blah-whatever-dude kind of place. Though I concede the point that if you're looking for a job, you ought to present yourself professionally in whatever the circumstance.

    However, I also point out the fact that casual informality breeds casual informality. And the photographic profession can be seen as a very casual, informal profession not lending itself to the proper conduct befitting other professions. I mean, really. How many photographers do you know show up to work all tatted up, cigarette hanging out of the corner of his/her mouth, in cut-up jeans, flannels, and a pair of Chucks? I know quite a few. I am saying this not to denigrate photographers in general, but if this is the pervasive atmosphere and attitude among many photographers, would you expect clearly thought out complete sentences or fuzzy, ill-conceived ideas?

    Food for thought.

  4. If everyone is a hero, there are no heroes. The 80's babies are a sorry lot. What a disservice the education system has wrought upon them.

    Of the above options you presented Charles, I would go with: "go to the temple, burn some incense, pray, and be grateful for the fact that these people are my competition."